Dream sequence:

I'm walking through a community in search of a forest. I've never been to this community in real life, but in my dream I've been to it dozens of times. I keep looking for this forest that's suppose to be deep in this community. For some reason, I had this pink-white rose that was suppose to protect me. What/who was the rose suppose to symbolize and what is it protecting me from? Anyways, I keep thinking I find it, and it turns out there's like houses on the other side of a few trees or just a meadow. It's not the forest I'm looking for. Another thing is people. There are a few people I've never seen before, most in the distance. I mustn't let them know I'm going into the forest. Why can't I let them know I'm heading into the forest? Also, something about a stream in the forest, something is waiting for me at the stream in the forest, but what?

I'm trying to go back to sleep with this fresh in my mind to return to this place, but alas, my mind simply won't let me back in. I need to know what, who, and why I was going to the forest protected by a rose.

Messing with Mormon chatlines. I already know this is my one way ticket to Hell

Taylor: Hey how are you?

Linda: hallo Taylor

Linda: My name is Linda

Linda: You gave my baby gurl Cinceer a pamphlet so i done cam herr

Taylor: Hey

Linda: I wanted to aks a few questions

Taylor: What can I help you with?

Linda: First off, where can I buy some of dat funny underwear yall have? Can I get that at K-Mart cus u kno my ass is on welfare

Taylor: thats great, what was the pamphlet about?

Taylor: go ahead

Linda: it had to do with a church and jesus and my baby Cinceer was talkin about it in school

Linda: so i wanna get answer here so she wont be so damn ignant

Taylor: our "funny underwear" is not for public sale, but it is only worn for our members of the church who make sacred convenants with our Heavenly Father and His sacred temples.

Linda: thank you babree

Linda: one mo question

Taylor: we hold them very Sacred

Linda: What day is the holiday you burn the live baby? Because my grandbaby was born retarded and we was gonna do it anyways.

Taylor: please tell me what this pamphlet said

Linda: its ok babree, we gonna do it anyways i already got the bacon grease on him

Linda: you have a Blessed Day. Glory to Jehovah

I beg my store manager to be transferred from the Deli to Cashier because I'm miserable. He says he'll work on it and dismisses me. He avoids the topic, and when I bring it up he only says "I'm working on it"... which means he's not doing a goddamn thing and we both know it. So how does he help me to transfer me? By telling me there isn't enough hours for me to work and then hiring 3 new cashiers. Fuck that Googly-Eyed Neanderthal and his rathole store.

So, stupid people ask stupid shit in the Deli, so allow me to answer:

Q: Are the Hot&Spicy wings spicy?
A: Let's reexamine the name, HOT&SPICY. That's like asking if the turkey breast is made out of turkey!

Q: Is that the (insert name of product here)?
A: No, it's not. I do not spend 5-6 days a week here and I have no clue what the fuck I'm cutting.

Q:(pertaining 1hr before the store closes) Are there any more Rotisserie chickens?
A: Yes, yes there are. We hide rotisserie chicken all around the store like Easter Eggs!

Q: Is there anymore (insert product here) coming out?
A: There wasn't going to be, but since you have to ask now I have even more to do on top of the pile of crap I have to get done.

Q: Can you do specialty subs with meat you don't have cut?
A: You know we can. You ask the same question every fucking week.

Q: Can I get some service here?
A: We'll get to you when we fucking get to you. Slow your roll, the ham is already dead and isn't going anywhere.

Q: What's healthy here?
A: NOTHING. Everything here can/will kill you.

Q: Can I get 1lbs of Boarshead Ham?
A: WHICH FUCKING HAM!? We have 15 types of ham and I failed Mind Reading Class in high school.

Q: Does it get any thinner?
A: Can your twat get any floppier?

Q: Can I get it shredded?
A: Why not just chew it up and spit it back into the bag? It's essentially the same thing.

Q: Are you still open?
A: If you have to ask, should you really be there?

Q:(pertaining to 1hr before closing) Are (insert something here) fresh?
A: Yes, we love making things an hour before we close just for the 1 person that comes for it!

Q: Do you guys carry (insert nonexistent meat here)?
A: Well if you took 5 seconds too look down at the case in front of you, you can clearly see if it's there or not.

Q:(pertaining to on the phone) Can I make an order for pickup?
A: NO! Get in line and wait like everyone else you pretentious fuck.

Q: Can you help me in the Bakery?
A: Do you go to the bank to pick up your dry cleaning?

Q: What time do you guys close?
A: Never. We don't sleep, we wait.

Q: What's a good sandwich meat?
A: ...I shouldn't even have to answer this.

Oh yes, there will be more.

So, stupid people ask stupid shit in the Deli, allow me to answer:

Q:

I think Leviathan is a good thing for me. I can finally get rid of all this baggage and rage and feelings of being unwanted and channel it into loving something that I can call my own. Not the family's, not my mom, just mine! I'm going to spoil the shit out of this snake ;)

Well, as you all know I'm recently single and I broke up with him. I've been meaning to post this for awhile as both a way of informing and venting, but now is when I finally get to it. I love it when I don't work weekends.

Alright, so, when I began the relationship I knew it was going to be really difficult to make it work, but I was optimistic and I knew that if I gave it my all and had great communication, it would work. In the beginning, however, it was working splendidly. Spending long nights talking and being there for each other, even if it was just through the phone it was still comforting knowing that there was someone there. It all started going sour the moment he got his job at the Boost Mobile Headquarters. At first he was a grunt and I still saw him when he got out and it was great. I got to see him even if it was late at night we still had time together. Once he got promoted to supervisor is basically when all Hell broke loose.

I was already used to hearing from him daily at all times. Being abruptly changed to hearing from him once every other week at like 5am with just "Hey" in a text message was not an easy transition. I absolutely hate change especially if it's with people I care about. My boiling point to this came at a peak when he didn't so much as text me on our one year anniversary. I completely lost my shit. So after screaming in a voicemail and sending a few angry text messages, he somehow made me feel guilty about the situation and I put it away. Afterwards, I would bring up the distance issue to which he'd have a meltdown and then a few days of things getting better, followed by going back to square 1, and sadly I was getting used to it.

I wanted so badly to go over there or him to come here, but because of my strict family and his job neither one of us could do it. I did not want to lose my family over someone, it's simply not worth it. So I kept my mouth shut and suffered in silence not wanting anyone to know how much I was hurting over the situation. That is not to say I didn't confide in my friends now and again when I felt I couldn't go on with it, but for the most part I was silent about my issues. This combined with hearing from him less and less made me start to go numb. He took me for granted and made less and less of an effort to keep in touch with me, so I just stopped caring. I felt so heartless when he would finally call me after a month or so and I just didn't care anymore. I didn't know who was in the wrong; him for treating me like a dusty ragdoll or me for becoming apathetic. I was beginning to see no light at the end of this tunnel.

The breaking point was when he caught me on an off day. He decided to call and I brushed him off and basically showed that I was just tired of his bullshit. He knew it and texted me about it, I didn't reply. The following morning I had a text from him reading "Do you still love me?". I wasn't going to lie anymore, I finally texted back "We need to talk. I've been thinking about a lot of things lately,". After a long exchange I finally told him it was over, but I didn't have the heart to say to him that I had stopped caring 3 months beforehand. Basically he loved his job more than he did me, and I was not going to take it anymore. As usual, he tried to pin the blame against me and said that he would've waited 100 years for me to finish and come to him when I was done with my Nursing Degree, to which I finally told him I'm not waiting 100 years to have nothing to show for it in the end. After his meltdown, there was a huge calm like after a big storm.

So later he decides to tell me that he's finally taking some time off work and was on vacation. He was applying to another job that wasn't so stressful and that he had a lot more time at home. I knew where he was getting at, and unfortunately it was too little too late. I still loved him very dearly, but I wasn't in love with him for the longest time. I couldn't do it anymore, and I won't. I can't be a sideline, it's not who I am. Life is a circus, and I have to be the Ringleader. So, that's the story. I'm glad I finally got this off my chest.

I'm beginning to think there's no light at the end of this tunnel.

What do you do when Prince Charming loves his job more than he loves you?

Faggot heart, be still!

I'm so itchy! Goddamn parasites!

I think the day should have 34 hours just so I can sleep in longer ;-D


I'm going to miss you Bry, even if I don't show it well.

I bought 2lbs worth of Jelly Belly Beans. Ultimate pick-me-up.

There's no reason to frown anymore :-D Harlequins always smile!

BENIHANA ON THURSDAY!!!

By the way, thank you guys for comforting me when I actually showed my soft side for once. It's you guys that make my life worth while :-D

10 minutes before the store closes

Javier: What would you like sir?
Fatass: Sub.
*Javi starts making sub*
Fatass: I want ranch in it too.
*Javi opens the bottle and pours it in*
Fatass: Why don't you just stick the knife in and spread it? It's easier.
Javier's head: Hey Lord of Lard, do NOT tell me how to do MY job. How bout you take your ass back here and make it yourself? Good GAWD you're ugly!
Javi: I do it however easiest it is for myself.
*Javi finishes the sub*
Javi: Have a ni----*customer walks away*
Javi: I hope you fucking choke on it.

Cradle of Filth coming to Pompano Beach Feb. 22, and I don't know anyone that listens to them other than myself!!! D:

Deluxe Ham- I don't feel like trying anything new, I just want to get my shit and go home.

ANYTHING by Publix- I am a cheap bastard!

El Paisa Queso Blanco- I just got off the boat. I still have sea water in my ears(translate this into spanish for extra effect)

Cajun Turkey- I voted Obama.

Hard or Genoa Salami- I'm such a douchebag. Let me torture the worker and see how long it takes for him to remove the foreskin this stuff comes with.

Pesto Parmesan Ham- I voted McCain.

Mortadella- I know this shit is going to kill me someday, but who cares?

Salsalito Turkey- I don't speak English.

Honey Maple Turkey- Damn, this shit is tasty!

Buffalo Chicken Breast- I plan to have spicy diarrhea for the next week.

Roast Beef- I am one step below cannibal.

Proscuitto- I am a douchebag and I don't care who knows it.

Serrano Proscuitto- I am an UBER douchebag and want to see this skinny boy pick up an entire pig's leg.

Gruyere- I'm not going to eat it, I just want to look cool by buying the expensive cheeses.

Low Sodium Turkey- I'm gay.

Low Sodium Ham- I say I'm eating healthy, but I'm still eating this garbage and therefore negating my diet.

Manchego Cheese- I wipe my ass with 20 dollar bills.

All Natural Swiss- I don't shave my pussy.

Baby Swiss- I'm too much of a wuss to eat a real cheese.

Gouda Cheese- I'm a douchebag and want to see how long it takes for this kid to peel off all the wax and then complain when he leaves a small bit on it.

Pastrami- I'm Jewish.